I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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