I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
