Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
