we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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