I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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