So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
