wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My vagina just recognized that song.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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