Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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