Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
