I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You took a bar mat shot.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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