What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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