i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
