and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
