she kept yelling 'call me bella'
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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