You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
