how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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