I just saw a hot homeless man
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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