So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
