we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
