I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
