I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
