STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
