I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
