It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
