What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
