According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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