i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
