I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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