Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
