absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
