Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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