I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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