a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Help. Why am I so naked?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
