i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
