now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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