next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
