No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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