:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I wear drunk well.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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