got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
