I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
