the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
