like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
