i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
