Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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