The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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