Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
