Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
