so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
