yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
