every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
