Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
