this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
