I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize