I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize