Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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