Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
