I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
