Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
