i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize