I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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