i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
