i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
