Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
