Cold hands, warm shart.
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
