He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
