I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
