her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You left your phone here
Wait...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize