So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
