oh god the rape fog is back!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
