You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
