i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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