im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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