Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize