dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
