i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
