he shaved USA in his pubs
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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