break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
