He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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