I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
