Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
