he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I love having hate sex.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
