Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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