I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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